


Remember Who I Am

by Elevensquared



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Drift Side Effects, M/M, The Drift (Pacific Rim)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 04:56:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5034580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elevensquared/pseuds/Elevensquared
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Co-existing as one mind during a kaiju battle leads to synchronicity that causes intense disorientation once the drift is complete. Pilots regularly report dissociation and an inability to distinguish which mind from the drift is their own 'self'. The effect is magnified the longer a drift-compatible pair works together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember Who I Am

"Iruka."

The familiar voice sends a frisson of relief down Iruka's spine and he turns away from watching candidates sparring to greet the newly returned pilot. Iruka is preparing a jibe, looking forward to their usual lighthearted banter, but the moment he sees Kakashi the words evaporate from his lips unspoken.

Kakashi is leaning against the grey wall with one arm lifted to brace his weight. Somehow he's still in his drivesuit, and Iruka can't fathom the scene that went down after White Fang returned to the hangar if Kakashi managed to walk out of there without removing it. The drivesuit helmet dangles from Kakashi's lose fingers.

It was only a Category 1 breach, Iruka thinks. White Fang has taken down so many Cat-1's, Kakashi and Gai could have handled this one in their sleep. But instead he's here, looking like something disastrous had happened. Iruka's eyes widen and he steps toward the pilot, putting his hands on Kakashi's shoulders to lean in and ask frantically, "Kakashi! Is Gai okay?"

Kakashi lifts his head and his good eye meets Iruka's, the other covered by a shock of silver hair. He blinks, "I'm...," he starts, then shakes his head roughly, "Gai is fine."

Iruka's hands tighten on the scarred armor even as his body relaxes. "Then what's wrong?"

There's no answer, but Kakashi's eyebrows draw inward, wrinkling the scar that bisects his left eye underneath his hair. It's uncovered, Iruka realizes, startled, and so is Kakashi's face, the usual mask and eye patch nowhere in sight. Had he gotten so used to seeing Kakashi directly after a breach that this uncovered face before him had become typical?

"Stay there for just a minute," Iruka says, and presses his palms against Kakashi's armor, pushing him to lean against the wall. It doesn't really seem like Kakashi's going anywhere, but Iruka doesn't want to lose track of him when he's acting so strangely.

Iruka quickly dismisses the trainees and they disperse, whispering and glancing at the jaeger pilot slumped by the doorway. Returning, Iruka wraps a hand around the armored plating covering Kakashi's forearm and says quietly. "Hey, let's get you out of here, huh?"

Raising a palm to press against his eye socket, Kakashi murmurs, "Iruka... I needed to see you. I couldn't... I don't..." His words trail off.

Iruka hides his worry by briskly walking them through the Shatterdome's drab corridors. In Iruka's quarters, he nudges Kakashi to sit on the bed, taking the helmet from his fingers and laying it on the desk nearby. The drivesuit is expensive to repair and will need to be returned to the hangar.

Kakashi has his forearms resting atop his legs with his hands dangling loosely between his knees. His head is bowed, shoulders slumped. Iruka crouches in front of him. "Kakashi," he murmurs.

Kakashi's clutches at his head, and pleads, "I am Kakashi, right? Iruka, you have to know, you have to tell me, I'm me, right?"

Iruka's eyes widen in understanding. He would never be a jaeger pilot himself since he's prone to blackouts and hemorrhaging during drift simulations, but his extensive training has been put to use preparing the next generation of pilots. Iruka knows the dangers of the drift, knows that it's often difficult to separate the self from the combined mind created when piloting a jaeger. Even pairs made up of lovers struggle with individuation after a breach. Co-existing as one mind during a kaiju battle leads to synchronicity that causes intense disorientation once the drift is complete. Pilots regularly report dissociation and an inability to distinguish which mind from the drift is their own 'self'. The effect is magnified the longer a drift-compatible pair works together. Kakashi and Gai have co-piloted the jaeger White Fang in over 40 breach events.

"Kakashi, look at me," Iruka says, and Kakashi lifts his head. "You're you, I promise. I know you. We met when I spooked you while you were sparring with Gai and I flipped you to the mat when you attacked." Iruka smiles a little at the memory, "Gai thought it was hilarious that I managed to sneak up on you and invited me to join you for lunch."

Kakashi shakes his head as if attempting to shift the memories into the appropriate slots.

"You promised you'd get me back and when you did I nearly stabbed you in the throat with my pen."

"Hmm... " Kakashi's voice sounds lighter, less strained, "I seem to recall dodging, and you threw paperwork all over the room when you jumped."

Iruka laughs and Kakashi quirks a small smile. Iruka stands from his crouch and moves to the room's closet, rummaging around for a moment. "Here," he says, pulling out a pair of uniform pants and a black t-shirt. "Let's get you out of that drivesuit, you'll feel better." He drops the clothes on the bed and watches as Kakashi stands and the spine of the suit begins to release at Kakashi's command. Iruka trails his gaze down the expanse of pale flesh before he turns away, searching for the mask and eye patch Kakashi had left behind last time he'd stayed late drinking.

When he turns back around Kakashi is dressed and staring at himself in the full-length mirror beside the bed. The clothes are an approximate fit, the shirt is too wide at the shoulders and slightly short on Kakashi's taller frame. Iruka can see a hint of skin where the pants ride low. He approaches from behind and says "Kakashi," an announcement of presence as much as a continued affirmation.

Kakashi doesn't move as Iruka holds up the mask, their eyes meeting in the mirror. He gently slides the material over Kakashi's unruly silver hair and down, to settle familiarly over his neck and the lower part of his face. Iruka reaches up a hand to smooth the cloth across Kakashi's cheek and nose and can feel warm breath as it catches in the fabric.

When Iruka lifts the eye patch, Kakashi turns around. He catches Iruka's fingers and guides them as they slide the band into place across his temple, behind his ear. Iruka swallows around the weight suddenly stuck in his throat as Kakashi lets go of his hands. "Better?" He asks.

Kakashi lifts a hand to span Iruka's jaw and neck, and he shifts close, stopping with his masked lips a breath away from Iruka's. "Iruka," Kakashi breathes, and closes his eye. "I think I might be in love with you."

"Oh," Iruka's body is ice and fire. His ears are burning and his limbs feel numb. "Well... I'm pretty sure I love you too, so I guess that's okay?" Iruka tentatively places his hands, one on Kakashi's shoulder, the other curled around his back.

Kakashi sighs a breath against Iruka's mouth and says, "It's probably a bad idea, I could die any day I go out there." He shifts closer, looping the hand not on Iruka's face around his back, mirroring Iruka's hold on him. "But... It's easier with you here. It's easier to find myself after the drift. It's easier to go out there knowing there's something worth fighting for. It's... I want this." He opens his eye.

Iruka whispers, "It's okay. I want this too. We can have this," and presses forward, just enough to touch their lips together, lightly, through the mask, barely a kiss and then gone again.

Kakashi makes a noise in his throat and rips the mask down below his chin and then they're kissing truly, Kakashi's hands on Iruka's face, Kakashi pressing Iruka back onto the bed. Iruka goes willingly, gasping, holding every part of Kakashi that he can get close, not wanting to let go.

Later, as Iruka strokes a hand through Kakashi's hair, bodies tangled together, Kakashi asks, "You'll help me remember who I am if I get lost again right?"

And Iruka says, "Always."


End file.
